It's the holidays now.
Holiday started on Saturday right after Geog lab class. It was a super happy moment for me cuz I'm finally done with the shits in school. But that night was another hell night for me. I actually typed a whole post on my anger and my upset-ness. I decided to remove it and just send to his email. I felt like this has been bottling inside me for very long. And don't get me wrong that I'm not willing to go through, I just think that it has taken a toll on me and I can't keep it all inside anymore. I hope things can change from now. You see, the thing that I don't like is to explode out and ask for something to be done. I don't want to add on to your already burden and stressed mind. But hey, I think I too have a part in your life and you have a responsibility to make me happy too. So yeah. I hope everything would go fine now.

Holidays have been ok so far. Yesterday was just spent at bf's place cuz he can't go out due to the laser treatment done. So we played viwawa - side by side. At night wwe watched rambo 4 and then he sent me home. Gonna go double o tonight. I hope it'll be fun. Been a while since I went clubbing, I think the last was the attempt with yx, amelia and huiping, which didn't happen at the last min cuz I didn't feel well. Gonna go down Kelly Services this Fri with pamela to sign the Formula One work application. Training will be on 10th and 11th sept. Have to skip two days of class which I don't mind. Haha.. The Suite Ambassador's pay is good too and I'm kinda excited for the job.

Going to have lyn over my place tomorrow for some slack and talk time. Intended to go to the beach but I have to babysit Ian cuz my Mum's going overseas. Friday would be the Kelly Services thingy and going to meet tracy and crystal for tracy's birthday.

So fast.
So fast.
Everything goes so fast.

Wait up,
wait up,
I'm still trying to catch up.


-End of Updates-


Sometimes I find life so boring. It's like I have no mood for doing anything. Sometimes I just lie on my bed and wonder how I am going to spend the rest of my life. When things occur that make me cry and go into all sorts of mood, all I want is have that instant relief of pain and anger, which is probably not possible. I hate going through the recovery stage in every single thing in life. Doesn't it tire you? I find life so empty at times. There are days where I feel so full of life and bursting with vibe and very happy with things that are going around but there are days where I just want to slam the door shut and wallow in self pity and just cry into my pillow.

I see shadows of myself in the mirror. I see the faceless expressions staring back at times. I see the tiredness in the morning. I see that unwilling soul. I see that churn of emotions in turbulence. Best of all, I see an enormous appetite of waiting answers. Answers that I cannot give. I hate it.

Tell me, how do you deal with growing up?

4:21 PM