had a nice time catching up with sickos yesterday. plentiful to talk, so many gossipis and updates. girls. the do what they are best at. hahas. and we really miss secondary school days and all the happy crappy moments. i wished i could have done more stupid things den cuz i realised i can't do it now. i dun even know if i cant fit into my sec sch uniform alr. school days are the best fun days.


after talking with them till the early morning, i went home feeling very unsure of myself. its like, everyone is having their plans for their future and though i know that i sort of have mine planned out, i somehow am afraid that this isn't the best of a plan for me. i mean, there may be other paths i could take which might lead me to somewhere better but i just haven't thought about. this phrase of life is just so crucial. too crucial to have mistakes. and it makes it scary.


i wish i could totally skip this chapter and reborn as a 23 year old lady, already over and done with studies. it would just eliminate all my uncertainty. it really sucks to know that you have to start thinking for yourself. i find myself wierd. i want to break free from my parent's over protective-ness of me. i don't want to rely on them for things. i don't want to be that small little girl. but when i try to get rid of my don't wants, i find myself weak. like a money plant, i just want to find support from somewhere concrete, somewhere stable. i hate it.


i am envious of people who are so sure footed, as though the got the foolproof plan to a great future ahead. i just hope mine would turn out good. and talking about future, i hate this society we live in where a degree is just a piece of paper. as what huiping said which i find it funny but yet so true, education is like toilet paper. if you have degree or perhaps a postgrad degree and above, u're a 3 ply toilet paper. if you have a diploma, u're a two ply toilet paper, if you only have PSLE, you're 1 ply and if you have no education, u clean your arse with ur hands. it's so darn true and it irks me. and like what xin said, just get over and done with it. when i was working in meritus, jimmy once told me, girls study so hard, one day they also will get married and have kids. which is true, i mean for those who plan to get married.


i guess there is something about me that not many know. i don't wish to be a career minded woman, in fact, im not considering to climb the corporate ladder. i dont want to be that independant, strong minded woman that has everything under control, i dont have the thought of being a new-age woman. i still believe what matters most to a woman is having a loving husband and a happy family. i can't say for sure if my thinking will change. i still am very much traditional, still possessing the thoughts of being a part-time housewife. and i share the same sentiments as lyn, to find a husband that can provide for me and not requiring me to work to support the family but i will still work just to have some money for myself.


of course, that is the perfect life for me and guess for many others too. but the thing is, you never know just what might happen and life never goes your way. i belong to the minority that wants to get married early and plan to have a kid when im 30. the kind that cooks dinner and wait up for my husband and warm the food up when he comes home late. the kind that fetchs my kids to school in the morning and after that work part time and reach home in time to prepare dinner. isn't that nicer than wearing a suit and going to work having documents lying all over your table and going for rounds and rounds of meetings and staying up late for the next big project that you sucessfully clinched because of your credibility and everyone sees you like a super career woman? i think i would feel so empty cause im facing something that doesn't give me warmth.


what is more important to a woman if she has everything but not a happy family?

5:26 PM