this is gonna b a fairly long post.. =X



monday
i was late for busE on monday.. which ended up with me nt gg sch.. i oways leave e hse late on monday even tho tt is e day whr i can wake up e latest.. haha.. last week i rushed to sch in a cab can.. so monday i told myself i m nt gg to take cab no matter wad.. its gd n bad cuz number 1, i kept to tt "promise", but number 2, i skipped lesson w/o mc.. haha.. but nvm la.. can skip 2 tyms ma.. was at simei mrt at like 1215? when i shld already be on e way to meet jia n rene at harbourfront.. haha.. so i calculated tt i wld reach sch at 130 which by den i would be 1/2 hour late, and therefore marked as absent, hence, i was like thinking, nt worth it la.. and finally, i didnt go sch! but later i went to sch to meet rene n jia for project la.. so yeps.. den wanted to see fireworks with sarah n friends.. which in e end, i didnt go cuz my mum last min bbq and wanted me to go la and my bro nt gg and bla bla bla.. so, i went back home in e end and wanted to meet sarah later aft my bbq.. ended up, i didnt meet her bcuz she was at marina bay while i went esplande to meet sickos.. wanted to pass justin his file n sarah's books.. but nvm.. tmr will pass to them!

rights.. den meet up with my ladies!!!! omg.. i was so excited to meet them cuz i havent seen dem in a month? hahaha.. and we ended up in photo taking sessions at cali bistro.. went to see fireworks later but dere were so many ppl and due to heights and e stupid trees, i could nt see much.. owells.. den we walked over to boat quay for coffee.. and ended up, lyn came over to stay at my hse cuz it was alr 2am.. reached back home at 2 plus and takked a while b4 sleeping at 4...


tuesday
we woked up at lyk 12 plus den i went to meet tkc in town.. took neoprints again and yeps! had a nice chat cum telling them wads gg on e past week.. feel so gd letting it out to them.. i lovia gurls.. just sitting them and telling them stuff until my "mee-sua" at shilin almost bcum cold liao.. haha.. call me a chatterbox la k.. saw a few ppl in town today and i realised one thing, e way some gurls dress turn me off.. u can really see wierd dressing in town la.. nt tt i m mean to look at them but ya, u really will just look and wonder y e hell they dress like tt... eeeks.. with e high cut boots and eyeliner as thick as black tape, oh boy.. tst tst.. on e way back on 518, i saw e displays on e road at marina area.. and e F16 planes flying.. and was watching tv mobile for live telecast.. so nice.. but 1 thing.. e air con in e bus was so cold!!! e minute i got in, i had goosebumps.. and i tahan all e way to my hse bus stop in pasir ris.. it took like close to 1 hour.. kelly was freezing throughout.. but! it proves i got strong determination cuz if i chnage bus i will waste more money.. haha.. and i m now so bloated with bbq food tt i can almost taste it at my throat.. marginal utility is negative now..




rights.. smth nt so boring.. i was eating dinner and i heared smtg tt i didnt wanna hear from my sis.. she was having a conversation with my dad which i think its abt me.. like wth.. u r saying it right in front of me as tho i dunno okay.. isnt tt rude? it all started with whr to park e car n all tt.. and i just told her tt it was a bit too kiasu and she took it as tho i m saying her.. ok fine, den she went on and on and told me dad tt actually i m nt wad i m.. like fark.. of cuz i m nt wad i m in front of u ppl cuz wadver i do it doesnt seem to please u guys.. with all ur strictness and sis, ur attitude really pisses me off sometimes.. i wonder how vincent can stand u! (i dun care if u happen to see this post of mine when u r using e internet one day) and e way u say things r just so crude u noe tt.. and sometimes u tok w/o letting it go thru ur brain.. u noe y i m so angry? she told my dad tt i got split personality!!!! wtf.. just bcuz i act differently in front of my family n my friends? hello! goodness.. if i act like how i m with my frens, u all r gg to pin point me n wad so ever.. saying tt i tok nonesense and all tt.. i noe in all ur hearts, i m just tt little immature gurl tt noes nth.. but do u guys in the hell noe how much i have to go thru just to pls u guys? its sad and maddening.. i bet u all dun even noe wad i like to eat.. even e basic like wad is my fav colour, u all oso dunno.. aint tt sad.. u ppl dun even noe wad i m like cuz u all nv bother to find out from me.. u all just presume tt i hang out with bad company and am so vulnerable to the outside world.. god knows wad else u all think of me.. my sis even said i m worse den a hypocrite! and i was dere when she said tt cuz i was bbq-ing but i pretend nt to hear.. but do u noe how much it affected me? NO, U WILL NV NOE.. i wanted to just run up to u and slap u right dere on ur cheek.. now i start to wonder if all these while u alr had tt mentality in ur mind tt i m a hypocrite.. mabbe u shld think of it as u urself being e worst hypocrite of all.. u have been lazing ard at home for e past 6 months not finding a job.. wad a bummer u are.. and my dad just leaves her liddat.. and not pushing her to find a job, how abt me? he doesnt fucking wanna noe hu i was tgt with for e past 5 years.. and u talk to me abt being fair.. take a look at urself and den u comment.. when i start to argue back at u and tell u my views, u say tt i m starting to talk back and i got no control over myself.. as it is i tink i noe very well whether i m over board or whatever.. and i still make e effort to come home for bbq last nite even tho it was a a last minute thing.. u all nv told me dere is a bbq.. and when i say i nt gg.. how many calls did i receive to ask me to go home for bbq when ur darling son is outsyd with his friends and u all nv call him back and let him enjoy time with his friends over dinner? and u just let him be while u all called me dunno how many tyms alr.. and sis, u asked me to go home cuz bro nt gg back.. fark, if its a family thing i dun see a reason y u guys havta nag at me to go home and leave ur darling son outsyd? he has his plans so do i..! i can just go on and on and on complaining how unfair it is.. and how much u all dun understand me.. mabbe u guys shld just stop a little, think a little.. wad is dere abt me tt u all really noe abt? tell me... and with all tt u have been saying and nagging and scolding.. i still keep quiet and dun say a thing b4 u start saying tt i m rebelling against u.. i even gave up my close-to-5-years with him just for e sake of this so-called family.. and i didnt get to meet up with sickos for sooo long cuz u want me to go dinner here n dere.. blah blah blah.. and hypocrite is e word i get.. split personality is wad u describe me sister..




now i wonder, isit worth it giving him up over u guys?? i love to have a family but i love to be with him.. e feeling of someone dere for u rain or shine is comforting.. someone hu will carry u when u're tired.. someone who will let u rant over e fone till u feel better.. someone who will say u look lovely even tho u got a bad hair day................





i can go on and on until u ask me not to,
but it'll take me eons to stop loving u..



THE TURMOIL I'M IN
THOSE WORDS I HEAR..



alone and still walking

11:37 PM