was browsing thru friendster and i went to see my fren's acc.. he's my pri sch fren which i lost touched every since e last day of p6.. he has a gf now which i tink theyve been tgt for a quite a while.. prolly a few yrs.. and it suddenly knocked into my head tt, hey.. i wanna be lyk them.. cuz i kinda admire the r/s they r having now.. from wad i see.. its lyk so perfect.. he's a nice guy with gd family background* and was reading thru his testimonials and he seems like a real nice guy.. and e gurl is pretty and stuff.. its like.. i nv came across such a perfect r/s b4.. dun get me wrong.. i m nt jealous.. i just admire them.. its like.. already met e parents* ma chiam can get married tt kind.. i really admire ppl at our age who have a stable r/s.. i feel happy for them really..


notice i put a * after two phrases? well, tt is wad i wan in my future r/s too.. i dun tink i m asking for much.. just tt.. it occured to me tt me n him had really major clashes.. in terms of backgrd n meeting parents.. its nt me who minds but its my parents tt will mind him.. i mean.. ive gone thru an almost 5 years r/s with him.. its a long one and i didnt expect myself to be so committed to him... ok, leave tt aside first.. in these 5 yrs with him, he nv seen my family at all.. and e most hurting thing my dad said to me one day was : "i dont want to ask you abt the guy u r with now, in fact, i dun even wan to noe hu the hell he is, guys like this are somtimes after ur money, i dun wan u to be with a bummer who cant support u and end up i have to support the 2 of u." do u noe how affected i was.. my dad was so against us.. it made it very difficult for myself.. i noe my family can nv accept him and he also doesn't really like my dad.. dere r so many obstacles.. whenever i m with him last tym, i m happy but somehow i always have this shaky feeling tt it cant work out in e long run.. its a gamble too big for me to take.. i hv always wished tt things would turn out fine in e end.. we even thot abt our future.. tts how far i was thinking.. i was clinging on to tt dream of ours.. until i really cld not hold on longer.. i had to let it go.. its like balancing on a seesaw with two ppl of e same weight.. both r impt to me.. him n my family.. how amazing it is when God aranges things for u.. during tt tym, we quarrelled loads.. and he ended it after so many ups and downs.. in 1 week we quarrelled up to 5 tyms.. can u believe it.. my dreams were gone thereafter.. and i decided tt if fate allows, our paths will meet again..


sighs.. call me stupid or crazy, but seeing his friendster makes me even more determined to give up my r/s, move on and not wanting to get into another r/s until i tink tt guy is really the one i want.. its tough now cuz i m used to having him with me.. i guess i'll learn to be on my own.. i want my r/s to be like my friend's.. a gd family backgrd.. nt tt i cant accept his family bkgrd but i have to tink of my parents.. and of cuz myself, i wanna live a comfortable life, i dun wanna slog thru out my life.. i hate it when i havta think of my future as i grow older.. life is so uncertain.. arg... it hurts me when i noe i havta let it go.. but i have no other choice.. do i?


i keep telling myself over and over again.. even my mum has been telling me lately.. "dun settle for one guy now.. u havent even started working, dere will b better guys tt u will meet, dun settle for him now, u r still young, u will have more better choices" of cuz she dunno tt we already broke up.. i guess at e end of e day, it start with e beginning.. tts wad she told me when she found out abt me n him.. in-btwn our r/s, she told me tt too..


(shucks.. i tink my post is getting a little too long.. )



sighs.. 1 month ago on this day, my r/s ended with him.. no doubts i have cried thru e past 4 weeks.. but it has slowly surfaced to me tt when we grow older, its nt the pure sweet love tt we r talking abt.. i believe my thinkings will still change, but i m quite sure, when we grow up, some of us would choose someone who can provide for us a better home den someone who can give u better love.. of cuz, i want both.. dun u want both too? but no, tts not e way it is, face it.

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